•go to the bathroom to escape
•feel very uncomfortable without a phone or some other crutch
•dwell on a small awkward moment for much longer than necessary
•never go to any social event without a person that makes you feel comfortable
•follow said person way too much
•worry about the person beginning to find you obnoxious
•faking an illness to get out of a social event
•Dont buy something necessary because the cashier is intimidating.
Pin me down and gently drag your lips and fingertips all over my skin. Put your mouth on my neck and use your teeth to send chills down my spine. Climb on top of me. Look deep into my eyes. Press that cunning smile against my wanting lips. Bite my lip. Make my whimper. Pull my hair. Help me let out some sweet little moans for you. Whisper in my ear everything you could do to me, everything you want to do to me…then don’t. Make me want it. Make my body beg for it.
Your first time is NOT supposed to hurt
You are NOT supposed to bleed
If you bleed, that is NOT your hymen being ‘popped’, it is a tear due to lack of sexual arousal and natural lubrication.
This is all a MYTH perpetrated by men so they don’t have to make sure you are comfortable and sufficiently aroused enough before you have sex with them. It is an excuse to disregard and hurt you.
I just really want women to know this.
Taking a step back and being in a supporting role is not the same as doing nothing. You have to be aware that, as a man, you have been socialized to take space, to speak out and to feel entitled to have a voice and an opinion. While this might sound like basic humanity for you, you have to be aware that women are taught from birth to be exactly the opposite. We are taught to shrink ourselves, to be silent and to defer to men, so, for a woman, speaking out about our oppression is an act of bravery. Specially because we know we will get backlash for it, which you will not. The worst you’ll get is some other dude thinking you’re “pussy-whipped”, while we will have the death and rape threats. And people, both men and women, will take a man’s voice more seriously because they’ve been socialized to see men as authority figures.
As a man, you have a moral obligation to actively combat your own socialization. Speaking out is not as effective or as important as supporting the voices of women. You have to be extra aware of when you are acting entitled, when you are taking space. You have to hold back that defensive gut instinct of saying “but I’m not like this!” when a woman says that men do some kind of horrible thing. Because, as a class, men do cause horrible things. You can reblog things that women say to give them more reach, but the best you do is to be in a support role and not actively push your opinion, even if you have good intentions, because your voice will be heard over those of women. We should not be prioritizing you, catering to you or going out of our way to make you comfortable. Real feminism should make you uncomfortable as hell, since it will question every one of your privileges and put you on the spot. It’s supposed to be a safe, nurturing space for us, not for you. You have the whole world.
The only moment where you should speak out, IMO, is when you’re with a male-only audience who wouldn’t listen to a woman. For example, if you’re in a pub with your male friends and one of then makes a sexist joke, call him out. You see a coworker being a dick to a woman, call him out. You see some dude being gross and hitting on a cashier who cannot speak back or she might lose her job, call him out. You will lose social reputation for doing that, you will be called names, but these are things that actually help. Speaking over us doesn’t help.
And listen to what women say. Truly listen. Even if what she’s saying is so detached from your reality that it sounds like madness, listen to her. Men have no idea of the casual sexism, sexual harrassment and generalized dismissing we have to go through every single day, and usually think we are exagerating when we speak about it. So sit back and listen, and believe her.
That third paragraph is super important. The absolute #1 thing a man can do to help women is to confront his fellow men on their misogyny. If you think it’s intimidating to talk to other men about their gross, harassing behaviour toward women, try to imagine how women feel being the constant target of that behaviour. When you as a man tell other men to respect women, they might laugh at you or question your masculinity. When we as women tell men to respect us, they increase their spite or physically hurt us. Nothing you post or reblog on your blog is going to be a fraction as effective as organising against male violence in real life. The least you can do is stop your own friends from harassing, abusing, and raping women.
Oh, and stop watching porn.
Jessica Williams and Travon (one of the staff writers) do it again!